Being A Man!

“I Always Thought It Was Me Against The World And Then One Day I Realized It’s Just Me Against Me.”

–Kendrick Lamar.

I have dedicated this post to every individual man, including myself; Who struggles within, and yet realizes, learns and tries to be a better version of himself.

Every single day!

Being A Man!

So what ideas came in your mind when you read the heading?!

Plenty. And kind of established ones. Kind of you know it all. Isn’t it?!

Like, It’s about Men. And, “Men will be Men”, Right?!

The thing is, It’s not right. There is a problem.

We already have a very generalized ‘definition’ about a man.

And with this extreme generalized environment, being a Man is tough. Nothing ordinary!

Almost every man has to face this already generalized definition of himself before anyone could actually know him – Doesn’t matter if that particular individual man is bad or he is actually a good one! A real one.

Can you feel the strain?

This is not true in case of a Woman though! ( Is it?! )

But this piece is neither about A Man Vs A Woman nor about putting a notion, that being a woman is otherwise easy. No. It’s not!

Yeah, being a woman is certainly beautiful. And this could be accepted in all it’s universality if we take the whole womanhood in consideration. Right ?!

But being a man is a struggle. Any given day.

Ironically and interestingly, the architect of this struggle has been the men themselves. Mostly. 

They have long been busy designing and at the same time damaging the core notion around manhood since the dawn of civilization – by somewhat instilling the wrong perspectives about their own humane potentials; by crafting and inculcating rigid ideas of how and what a man must be made of.

So A man of modern era has a huge battle to fight and conquer for himself.

A man may conquer a million men in a battle

but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the

greatest of conquerors.

–Buddha.

Only if, conquering ‘oneself’ was easy!

Apparently, it’s not and requires a lot of grit to get even started.

Though, conquering a battle still seems relatively easier.

Being a man myself, i remember, i grew up witnessing all the societal and it’s bumbled idea of a man – the hollow perspective like in what ways a man must always act manly, a man must not be vulnerable; he has to act stoic and never let his guard down! Etcetera.

These ideas are evidently prevalent.

Over the time, these rigid fundamental themes, i believe have done more harm than any good to the men in general in how they shape up, how they interact with the fellow men and women, mentally and emotionally or without it.

Through time in ages, i started learning and understanding my own emotional, physical and biological responses in sync with the fickle yet evolving mind, and to be honest, initially that whole experience did flyby into some utopian world, and had all been fun but crazy.

Those were the time of relentless boyhood.

Transitioning into a Man, steadily, was and is still altogether an uphill task. I would say, it has been a challenging build of self into a man.

The boy in me steadily started harnessing consciousness out of my conscience.

The boy in me, growing around nefarious mindset, unkempt knowledge – steadily started acknowledging the growing consciousness in me; reasoning the prevailing beliefs, paying attention to the mind and feeling through the core of my heart, and acting in sync of both, the heart and the mind. Mostly!

Though, I did struggle. I still do- A lot. I stumble. I make mistakes, sometimes i am terribly wrong too. But these don’t make me less humane and unreal. I yearn to learn, through my own vastness of good and the bad- and everything this beautiful world inspires me with.

But, it’s not about trying to be perfect, it’s about acknowledging the flaws, it’s about being reasonable and honest about my shortcomings and putting a firm mindset to swiftly work on them. True, it will take time. But every beautiful things take time to reach there, to become beautiful. Right?

And when i think about it all, it appears to me, may be i am on a constant conquest to conquer my own rhythm of the heart and mind, and the combination of both.

Remember what The Lord Buddha suggested?!

A man may conquer a million men in a battle

but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the

greatest of conquerors.

Something, i feel, “Everyone should yearn for..!”

In the process, i have learned, becoming a real man needs a constant practice, it’s an affirmative struggle.

It certainly gets tougher, when your heart echoes it’s worth.

I acknowledged, Being a man becomes challenging when the heart syncs with your mind and takes your conscience for a swift ride, rebelling against the general ‘notion’ of being a man.

Notions like,

” Men will be Men (Aka Boys will be Boys) “

This particular phrase carries myriad interpretations, but mostly carrying the high toned pseudo masculinity; suggesting and steadily enforcing an idea that it’s okay to allow men/boys with their mistakes and their toxic understanding about themselves and everything else.

This notion had been problematic, in it’s manifestation and subsequently in it’s promotion. For the men and the women equally! And in general how we have grown as a society across geographies!

So Men and Women in general, And we the men specifically, are required to be sensitive and effective around how we perceive and grow with certain toxic ideas. We must acknowledge and positively work it out!

” All men are terrible and heartless creatures. They don’t feel any pain, they don’t feel broken-hearted or miserable. “

“All men!” You see the basic problem here? Generalization.

Not All men. Not all of them for sure. “Some” men are terrible.

World would not have grown much if all men and women were same.

And yes, men do feel pain, miserable and heartbroken as much as and sometimes more than their contemporary women.

I can be terribly wrong at times, but i am not a terrible man. I am not heartless either. I feel pain, for myself and others as well. Sometimes i feel miserable and sometimes i have been literally and miserably heartbroken- You know that sink-your-heart-deep kind of feelings?! What i do then? What i can do best! I acknowledge it and i be honest about it, in my being- Inside and Outside. I inhale the feel. I exhale the feel. Doesn’t help, but this is it. 🙂 

“A man doesn’t go through sexual assaults. He does not live through betrayals as much as women do.”

This is a myth that needs to be addressed more actively.

Though historically men have used sexual violence to subjugate women and is still prevalent but sexual assault can happen to anyone, irrespective of the gender and age. Though men in general have to go through some real challenges because of the general social attitude and stereotypes around them and their masculinity.

Betrayals and assaults don’t happen by evaluating genders and age. Period.

” A man thinks only through his other Head – the other head being his dick”

You think you know all of them- All of the men? That would be weird if you do!

“One should not categorize the whole kind”, It’s not fair.

A man can be flawed. But he can be as receptive, sensible, sensitive, responsible, affectionate, loving, compassionate and conscientious as the other human gender. In Fact, sometimes, all of it and more than a particular and respective woman. I know such Men. 🙂

“A man has to remain tough, push his feelings aside, in order to stay manly”

“No”.

No Man should do that.

Dear Men, you don’t live on an Island all by yourself.

A real man stays manly enough when he gets vulnerable and yet he has an empathetic heart and remains truly strong in his character and puts his heart into almost everything he does.

“All men are dogs”

“Really?!” Where did this even come from?!

This generalization and labeling is fundamentally all so wrong on so many levels. Dear women, please refrain doing this.

Being a man is tough.

Especially, when you’re a man with an active brain, a conscious mind, an empathetic heart.

It gets tougher when your heart learns to express through all sorts of it’s human experiences, syncs with the rhythm of brain and dances to the feel of life’s all brutality and chaos.

Yes, Being a man is tough when he stumbles, make mistakes and yet feels deeply, yearns to learn, expresses himself with compassion and fervor and stays benevolent enough to respect and remain available to the myriad struggles of his own loved ones – Men or Women.

Being a man is tough when he’s consciously aware of his flaws and failings.

Being a man is tough and is struggling when he’s scared and vulnerable around his insecurities.

Being a man is tough when he acknowledges his weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

Tougher when he endures all the pain courageously, yet puts all the faith and commitments for the life ahead.

Being a real man is tough.. Any given day.

Being a man – Being a Real Man- It’s a struggle. It’s a Journey. And all a real man needs is another compassionate heart to embrace him. -A compassionate heart of fellow men and women.

At the end, a huge shout out to all the Men who think and act through the conscious melody of their heart and mind.

A huge shout out to all the women who hold on and walk side by side of these men. We Are, Because You Are there for us. And we should stand for each other, for a better world, better society.

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be.

Be one.”

-Marcus Aurelius.

Be Safe. Be Kind. Be Humane.

Stay Spirited. #Always.

Rescue Humanity With Love..❣️😊

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Image courtesy: Google. (Main source unresponsive)

If you feel like, you can read my musings on ” Woman- A Full Circle”.

Link. Woman- A Full Circle

Feel free to connect and comment. 🙂